What I didn't Know
by STUPIDHUMANZZ
Summary: I knew that my brother loved me. I knew that he cared for me...I never knew that he would die for me.
1. What I didn't know

Don't bother reading this part, skip ahead to the story and remember this is Mokuba's inner monolgue.

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What I didn't Know

I knew my brother cared for me. That I never doubted. He's my only family. For as long as I can remember it's just been us two. I never really knew my mother or father. Or any of our other relatives, for that matter. I never minded actually. He was enough. He was all I ever really needed.

I knew my brother loved me. And I loved him. He didn't need to tell me. It was unspoken. We were family, we were close like that and some things never needed to be said. I knew he couldn't spend that much time with me. But that was okay too. Whenever he was working himself too hard I would let him know. Bring him his lunch if need be, hang out with him when it looked like he needed a break It was the least I could do, after all that he has done for me.

I knew it was all fault. It has always been my fault. I am the reason mom died after all. I am also the reason Seto never got adopted. Who knows, maybe he could have gotten adopted into a loving, caring family. A family that would love him. Cherish him. But no, He chose to stay with me until a family would adopt the both of us. For being such a genius, my big brother is quite an idiot. Imagine how different his life could have been, without me. Maybe he would have smiled more often.

But what I didn't know. What I never knew. What I never wanted to know was that he…would die for me.I never knew that his lastwords would be an apology. Him apologizing to me! Telling me how sorry he was that he hadn't been there for me as much as he should have. Sorry that now he was leaving me; going to place I couldn't follow.

I don't know whether or not he even heard me. I don't know whether or not he heard me say that our roles should have been reversed. I should be the one dying, not him. That bullet was meant for me, not him!

I will never know whether or not he heard me say how much I loved him. That he was the best big brother I could have asked for.

We'd been through so much together but I never knew despair. As long as I had him with me everything would be okay. But now…he's ….he's- I can't even say it.

I never knew…oh god I never knew. That it could hurt this much. That Seto could leave me. And that it would be all my fault.

-Mokuba

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Thank you so much for reading. It really does mean the world to me. I'd appreciate some feedback if it's not too much trouble. I am thinking of continuing this, plus I need to know whethor not I could took a turn into the melodramatic. I need constructive criticism. .


	2. Part I: Denial

I actually swore off fanfiction for awhile (A.P. testing going on, y'know?) but then I went back looking at all my old stories and reviews and realized there was so much I still wanted to do, so much I can add, tweak. And then I went on a mild power trip and while still a little tipsy from the megalomania I thought up a few sequels to "What I Didn't Know". This is going to be multi-chaptered. We're no longer on a break anymore; I'm ready for a long-term relationship with I'm back! Get used to it!

He's going to walk through that door any second now. Any second now he's going to open the door ever so calmly, like he always does. Ramrod straight, because slouching makes you look weak, not a hair out of place, because untidiness is next to ungodliness, briefcase in hand, because there is always work to be done and my brother has had to work his whole life.

He'll look tired. His eyes will be bloodshot from staring at the computer screen all day. His lids will be heavy and circles will form under his eyes. He probably hasn't had a good night's sleep since father died and that was 9 years ago. He'll look frustrated. His fist will be clenched, his knuckles white. Maybe he'll still have a cell phone in hand and if he does the whole mansion will be shaking, and his voice will be dripping with venom. He doesn't need to yell. His words are brutal enough.

But his blue eyes will soften when he sees me. He'll hang up the phone mid-argument. He'll ask me about my day, curtly, and then I'll ramble on for a good thirty minutes. I'll ask him about his. He'll sigh but say "Nothing I can't handle" because it's the truth. He is Seto Kaiba after all.

I haven't cried yet; it still feels so unreal. I haven't even slept yet but I feel so exhausted. My lids are getting heavier now…No, I can't sleep. Because when I sleep I dream. And when I dream, I dream of…

We have just come back from school. We are going home. The ride from Domino High to Domino Middle School to the Kaiba Mansion is less than 20 minutes. It's a route we've taken hundreds of times before. My back-pack lies on the floor of the limo. My brother types away at his laptop, checking our stocks and reading up productivity reports: the usual. I look out the window in comfortable silence. The limo brakes at the street light as it switches to a red light. I turn back for an instant. I'm not even sure why. Just as I see a black compact car not brake in time.

The limo is hit, rear-ended. I can't see a thing; I can only feel the familiar tug of the seatbelt and now a foreign presence holding me tightly. It was Seto's arm. I open my eyes now. Since when did I close them? Our bodyguards are quick to act; our driver opens the door.

"Are you okay Master Kaiba? Mokuba?"

"What the hell just happened!" Seto shouts at the driver.

"We got into a car accident"

"No shit. Now what the hell am I paying you for? Don't just stand there, if you value your job at all, take care of this! Talk to the other driver and get the hell out of my sight. Wait." Seto grabbed his driver's arm but kept his eyes glued to the car behind us and more importantly its driver." Where's your gun?"

"With me."

"Keep it that way and hand me the other one."

The driver did so. To do otherwise wasn't advisable.

"Mokuba" He suddenly turned his attention to me. "Whatever happens, stay in the car. Is that understood?" It was more of a command than question. I was confused at the time. Why couldn't I go outside of the car? What did Seto see that I didn't?

"Is there something wrong, Seto? It was only a car accident.-" He cut me off.

"You really think that was an accident? Never mind, just do what you're told" he said even harsher than before if that was possible.

He left the limo without another word and closed the door with a definitive slam. I couldn't hear a thing. I turned back to see what was going on. The other driver was talking casually with our driver and Seto. Not a hint of aggravation or frustration. Not even a sign of annoyance for ruining the paint job on his Honda Civic. All of these emotions were devoid from his face, but there was something else written in the young man's features: anticipation. Something was wrong. Very wrong. This is what Seto had seen. I couldn't help myself I ran out of the limo.

I'm not sure what compelled me to move. To disobey my brother but I did. I kept out of sight though. It was then that I heard part of their conversation.

"Who the hell are you?" Seto demanded.

"My name is Michael Jenkins. But you don't have to be so rude you know. Look I'm more than willing to pay for the damages so-"

"What's your real name?" Seto got out through clenched teeth. Seto took out his own gun and his bodyguards and driver followed suit.

"That is my real name"

"You are lying"

"I can assure you that I am not lying-"

"Bull shit. Cut the crap right now-"It was then that my brother saw me. "Mokuba get out of here now" He yelled. I'm frozen now. I couldn't move even if I wanted to.

It was then that "Michael" broke out into a cackle. "It is true what they say then, nothing gets past you, Kaiba. Unbelievable how you've managed to survive so many attempts at your life thus far. But I will be different."

"Unlikely." It was at this point that Seto broke out into a cackle of his own. "You're outnumbered and last I checked I'm the one with the gun here"

"I will be different. There is more than one way to kill a man. And it doesn't hurt to have friends in high places." Immediately Seto's eyes moved to the multitude of buildings surrounding us. I suddenly felt vulnerable, scared.

"This is for everyone you and your father Gozaburo have hurt!"

"Shoot him!" Kaiba yells to his bodyguards and they obey. Seto still looks around the buildings frantically and then he looks at me. I've never seen his face like that. Was that fear? No, my Seto isn't afraid of anything. But he's no longer looking at my face. His gaze moves down to my chest. He is really starting to scare me now. I look down too following his gaze. Just in time to see a small red dot aimed at my heart. A laser, at the other end of it a sniper, his sights set on _me_. I'm paralyzed again. I can't move. I can't even breathe. I start to shake. I'm really going to die here aren't I? This is how it all ends. I can't stop the shaking. I'm afraid, so afraid.

But I won't die. Though sometimes I wish I had. Instead I see Seto right in front of me, facing me, with those unflinching eyes, just as his knees buckle and he begins to collapse, blood spewing from his chest. I shake even more if that was possible. I try to catch his body. I kneel with him his head cradled against my chest…

And then I wake up.

But the nightmare isn't over. It's only just beginning.

And now I know without a doubt my brother is never going to walk through that door ever again.


	3. Breaking News

A.N.: These are just two teasers. Expect a real chapter soon. Really soon.

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"_Breaking News from the Business World: Seto Kaiba –_"Click. 

"_This just coming in from the studio teenage billionaire Seto Kaiba has been_-"Click.

"_Good evening Domino City and this is your Channel 7 News Now. This just in Seto_-"Click.

"_Kaiba, renowned CEO of Kaiba Corporation has been_-"Click

"Geez, Joey do you mind sticking to one channel!" Tristan yelled; pillow balled in his fist ready to be hurled at his best friend.

"But it's the same thing on every channel. Kaiba, Kaiba, Kaiba. Money Bags sure loves that publicity." Joey added with a sneer. "I bet he has some new snooty tournament launching which he hasn't invited me too even though I did get to the finals of Duelist Kingdom and Battlecity, arrogant little-"

"Stop complaining, Joey. Get over it and quit being such a baby." Tristan retorted after throwing a sizeable pillow at Joey's head.

"Why you little- I'll show you who's a baby!"

Before Tristan had time to react Joey hurled himself at the unsuspecting teenager and both proceeded at grappling with one another regardless of the numerous obstacles that stood in there respective warpaths including coffee tables, couches, and priceless Egyptian artifacts that populated Yugi's living room. Tea and Yugi would have made some attempt to break up the fighting (between giggling) had they not been in the kitchen preparing hot chocolate for the two friends.

But both friends immediately stopped. The sound of ceramic hitting tile, hot cocoa staining carpet had startled them both. Joey and Tristan quickly stopped fighting to see Tea and Yugi in the kitchen threshold. But something was wrong, very wrong. Tea gasped, her hand to her mouth, Yugi looked equally shocked. His face which usually held a gleeful and perpetual smile was now white and ashen. Joey and Tristan still looked dumbfounded at the two teens until Yugi pointed a shaky finger to the television screen.

"_The dueling community is in mourning today after the death of former world champion Seto Kaiba. He was murdered in broad daylight in downtown Domino City earlier today."_

The four friends were paralyzed where they stood. And in that instant the world stood still.

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Thank you so much for reading!


	4. Voyeur

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"He hasn't come out of his room in 24 hours. He's practically barricaded himself in there." 

"I know."

"And you're not at all worried about this, Roland!" It was at this point that Roland actually took a moment to consider the other bodyguard. After a long pause he finally replied.

"He just lost his brother." He didn't complete to his sentence, he thought he didn't need to. That fact should have said it all.

"But you of all people should know the dangers even now." The other bodyguard then lowered his voice to a whisper "Master Kaiba's killer is still out there-"

"I know". Roland replied even more vehemently. He could never forget, he wouldn't allow himself to forget. He'd be there right now searching for Kaiba's killer fulfilling his obligation as a bodyguard to protect if not avenge his master if not- if not for the more important promise he'd made to an older brother to protect his younger brother with his own life if need be. Mokuba's safety had always been priority number one. And with Master Kaiba gone, with the manor in disorder, with Kaiba Corp. in a panic, it was comforting to know that at least there was one thing that remained constant. Roland would not fail this time. He would keep to Kaiba's wishes, his legacy, his memory, even without him there. A sad smile graced his lips as he continued "Besides Master Kaiba made Mokuba's room fireproof, blast proof, the windows are bulletproof, hell the whole room may even bombproof, if I had to pick any room for Mokuba to be in right now it'd be his own."

"But he still hasn't eaten."

"I'll talk to him. For now I think we should conduct are own investigation into Kaiba's murder." The other bodyguard made a move as if to speak but Roland quickly silenced him. "And start preparing security precautions for the funeral as well."

"So soon?" Roland nodded in return.

"We have to take control of this situation. Now. And the first thing we need to do is to take care of the younger Kaiba". And with that Roland called in a maid to bring in Mokuba's lunch as the second bodyguard left. They had plenty to discuss.

He looked into his shirt pocket. He removed a tiny card-shaped locket with as much care as he would a precious heirloom. He undid the clasp and carefully opened the locket as he had seen Master Kaiba do so many times before. He looked at the smiling picture of Mokuba. He had seen Kaiba's eyes instantly light up when he saw that smile. So many times before that he had practically memorized his exact movements. But Roland could not feel anything from this picture. He could only feel shame. He was an intruder; his trespassing eyes were looking at something that only Kaiba should ever see.

But Kaiba couldn't and he never would ever again.

He remembered prying the locket off of Kaiba's body before the coroner's office took his body away. Such a precious item it was. It needed to go some place better than the Morgue.

It needed to go to Mokuba. But he was in no shape to even get out of his room. But Roland could not find it in his heart to blame him.

It was going to be painful. But it had to be done. Mokuba needed to face reality now. That was priority number one. Roland could insulate the fallout from Kaiba Corp. for the time being, the company that Kaiba had fought so hard to keep would have to be put on hold in its darkest hour: leaderless and vulnerable. Then there was the matter of Mokuba's legal status, he was technically an orphan again, Roland would simply have to get Kaiba Corp. lawyers to work on that instead of the excruciating process of reading through Kaiba's last will and testament. Mokuba was not ready for that. Surely Roland could protect him from that. But there was still the inescapable fact that Kaiba's killer still ran free and the fearsome possibility that he might come back and finish what he had started.

Time was a luxury Roland could not afford. Time was essential. He knew that. He had learned that speed was essential in the business world, a lesson hard taught by Kaiba himself.

But then why did it still feel so wrong opening the door into Mokuba's dark little room?

There could be no time to grieve. Roland knew that.

And so just as shamefully as he had opened Master Kaiba's locket he opened the door into Mokuba's room, not truly knowing what to expect.

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Thank you so much for reading! 


	5. A Memory

A memory

A.N.: I'm going with the storyline that Mokuba's mother was killed in childbirth and that the father was killed sometime later on. Read on... )

o0o00o0o0o0o

"Go to sleep." he said flatly.

"C'mon, Seto my birthday is in like two hours-" I replied indignantly.

"No but's" He gave me one of his infamous looks: eyes narrowed into slits, his face like pale granite displaying nothing but utter contempt. For most people this is all they can handle. They'll cower away at this point, tail between their legs because well, self-preservation is an incredibly powerful emotion. Never cross Seto Kaiba. It's a well known fact. But then again I'm not like everyone else, am I?

"I didn't say 'but'"

"Then no smart-assetry". Damn. I was sure I had him that time. Wait "smart-assetry" isn't a word; I move my mouth as if to call him out on his ill use of the English language.

"But-"

"March, Mokuba Na-"

"Fine." I huff out before he can use my full name against me. And this time I obey but this wasn't over I mentally note. I make my walk of shame up the lonely gilded staircase to the east wing where mine and Seto's rooms are, knowing full well Seto's room will remain unoccupied till around 3 am. maybe 2 on a good night. I reach my own room: a mess of clothes, game consoles, and other assorted entertainment systems. I peel the covers off my bed and slide in between them waiting for sleep to come, which unfortunately it never does.

I toss and turn for what feels like an eternity. I look at the clock and it blinks back 2 am. with red eyes. Damn clock. I can't go to sleep! Couldn't if I tried. It's officially two whole hours into my birthday! I smile. I am happy. I should be happy. It's natural; every kid is on his or her birthday. But I'm not. At least not entirely. I try to smile again. But it's a guilty one. _I'm alive because she is dead. She is dead because I killed her._

I shouldn't dwell on the past. What's done is done. I know that.

But I don't even have a picture of her! I never knew her. I never will...

Now there really is no point in me staying in bed. I could use some fresh air and maybe walking a bit will ease my troubled mind and apparently my troubled stomach as well.

I make my way back down the lonely gilded staircase, past the living room, a hallway, and finally make it to the kitchen. It's only then do I see Seto nursing a broken coffee maker.

"Go to bed, birthday boy" he says, back to me, hunched over and tinkering with the coffee maker.

"I know. I just wanted some water" I lie automatically.

"Well it's a good thing you didn't want coffee then." he made a vague attempt at a joke, trademark sense of humor intact: droll sarcasm, plus caustic wit, a scary combo especially when you were never sure when he's being serious since he stays deadpan throughout.

He turned grumbling something about a round two and finally turned to me. "You really should be in bed, y'know."

"I know. " I repeated, noting that his voice had softened (must have been the fatigue).

Silence.

"You forgot your water."

"I know. " I repeated again more nervously. He looked at me more intently than usual.

"So how does it feel to be officially 13?"

"Feels basically the same as 12"

"Well everything is set up for the party "He said I guess he was trying his luck at small talk and I smile a little both from the effort and the fact that it was Seto's masterful idea to have my birthday party at Kaibaland. He even closed the whole park just for me and my friends.

"Cool. "

Silence again._ I'm alive because she is dead. She is dead because I killed her_. And just like that room gets pretty quiet.

"Hey kid?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you hungry?" I look at him weirdly. "You know what would be great right now?"

"What"

"Ice Cream"

"Are you kidding me, Seto its almost 3! And you hate ice cream!"

He ignored me entirely and maneuvered his way to the deep freeze refrigerators and grabbed a very large tub of Rocky Road ice cream, two bowls, and two spoons. He then meted a very generous portion of the creamy confection into one of the bowls and handed me the spoon.

"Your wonders never cease, Seto. Any reason why you're breaking three of your own rules in one night?"

"It's your birthday, kid. Stop complaining."

"Hmph."

Silence again. My stomach feels slightly upset. I try to smile again, but it's a guilty one. _I'm alive because she is dead. She is dead because I killed her_

"You know our mother used to eat tons of ice cream when she was pregnant with you. That and peanut butter"

"Really?" I reply almost too eagerly.

"All the time. I remember our father having to drive around town looking for an open supermarket to get our mother Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream at midnight."

The barest hint of a smile graces his lips. But then he sighs.

Silence. I would give anything for Seto to talk about our parents again, especially my mother. Please say something else! The silence is longer this time. I want to know more about my mother more than anything else in this world, every seemingly insignificant detail. But Seto rarely talks about her. And I understand why. Suddenly my ice cream isn't as sweet as it used to be.

Almost imperceptibly he moves a few steps closer to me.

"She was so happy when she found out she was pregnant with you. Did you know that? Did you know she would spend all day designing your nursery? I even got a little jealous. Mind you I was five."

At that we both slightly chuckle.

He moved a few steps even closer across the kitchen towards my corner." And our parents would get into the biggest fights on what to name you. I wanted to name you Ryuu, after dragon, while father wanted to name you Daisuke. But mother, she had her heart set on Mokuba. "

My vision is getting blurry, an excess moisture in the corners of my eyes.

"And then there was the day of your birth. You were a little premature, not too early to cause any significant complications but you were still quite the surprise. Her water broke right when our parents were dropping me off to Day-care. It was mom who insisted that I should go with you all to the hospital to see my baby brother being born."

My eyes begin to prick, hinting at the tears waiting to flow

"Wh-why are you telling me this?"

"Because I should have done it a long time ago."

I can't bear to look at him. It's too much. It's all too painful.

"You're mother loved you, more than anything in this world. She wanted to see you so badly. You need to understand that. "

He just stands there now only a foot away from me, that intense gaze, all-knowing boring into me, seeing right through me.

"Would sh-would she be proud of me?"

"I know she would be. She wanted you happy. And for you to grow up strong, her little baby boy."

And then we both smiled.

o0o0o0o0o0o0

He always knew exactly what to say, what to do, how to act. A few words from him and I'd feel all better. He could just make it all go away, the pain, the guilt, so easily.

Now I would give anything for him to make things better again. To fix everything like he used to.


End file.
